The Baby-Baby's Birthday

On this day last year, I was in the hospital, almost 36 weeks pregnant with my 5th child. I had been on bedrest at home for the previous 11 weeks, injecting myself with insulin 4 times a day and checking my blood pressure more often than that. Maybe not a big deal in exchange for the miracle of bringing home a healthy baby, but with 4 other children in the house, various pets and a husband, it was a big deal.

Anyway, right here close to the end, I ended in the hospital with even higher blood pressure. Two nights later, I would deliver my last child by c-section. A sweet little boy my husband named Gabriel. Only the 2nd boy in a 5-kid lineup, his brother George had prayed for him for nearly 2 years. After a couple of nights recovering with the older kids sleeping literally on the hospital room floor (eewwwww), we got "kicked out" because we were so disruptive to the other mothers trying to learn how to nurse and get their last moments of blissful slumber while the nursery attendants lookoed after their newborns.

We came home to our undecorated house (save for one pitiful strand of icicle lights my husband put up across our porch and then ran outside to take a photo for me to see). Our tiny baby (by far my smallest) weighed a little over 5 pounds and I remember thinking his head was about the size of a baseball. No one in our family could come to help until after the holidays so we were sort of flailing through trying to nurse a preemie, Christmas shopping, holiday parties at school, the almost-2-year-old's issues with umm...WHO and WHAT is THAT?, not to mention recovering from surgery. It was a tough holiday season, but we muddled through.

All this to say that on Monday, my precious youngest baby, who I have dilgently tried to prevent from crawling, and only this week handed him a cup, turns one. He is truly a doll baby. He doesn't cry as much as he squeaks. His voice was tiny like his body, and I kept waiting for his cries to catch up with the rest of him, but they never did. He still just squawks a little when something isn't quite right, and then he patiently waits for someone to bring him what he needs or change his diaper. He laughs all the time at ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. He goes to anyone and takes his small palms a lays them on their cheeks or lips and gazes up into their face like he's trying to memorize every detail. Needless to say, the nursery workers at church LOVE him, babysitters think he's a dream, but no one is quite as smitten with him as us...his large family. Even the obnoxious puppy lies down next to him and gently licks his foot while he giggles.

Little Gabriel has brought a softness to this family that we not only needed, but that we yearned for during the long, stressful months of a difficult pregnancy. I know that every birth is a miracle. I love each of my kids with the same intensity. But Gabriel's conception and birth took my faith in God to a new level. After everything we went throuugh to get him here, I didn't see how my faith could be any stronger after that. But watching this little child transform my bouncing, explosion-making, 9 year old boy into a gentle quiet little fellow who lies down next to him on the floor to tell how much he can't wait for him to get bigger so they can do more things together...oh, be still my heart. To sit and watch my oldest daughter stroke his hair and sing to him just to make him smile... or when my 2 year old lies down by him and pats his head cooing "sweet gay-bee baby"... I almost can't catch my breath.

God's awesome power amazes me and at times stops me dead in my tracks. I am truly nothing special. I actually think MOST moms I know do a much better job than I do. But in spite of all my shortcomings, God has blessed our family with a baby the doctors all said would never be. He continues to show his great love for us every day through Gabriel's sweet smile and angelic spirit. Sometimes, I look into his eyes and think I'm seeing a tiny glimpse of Heaven.

Thank you Lord for the gift of Gabriel last December 12.
Thank you for sending your Son to give His life so that I can know You.