Christmas Roadtrip from H-E-double-hockey-sticks

Every year or so we make a 1500 mile roadtrip to New Mexico to see my family (we live on the east coast). This year we planned to go at Christmas with the 5 kids, wisely leaving the dogs with a neighbor THIS time. I had hoped to get out of town Friday when school got out, but we weren't ready in time, so we left Saturday and I drove 18 hours that first day, and stopped at a hotel about 6 hours from my mom's house.

My husband is the sweetest man on the planet, but absolutely the worst driver I know...by that I mean that he isn't dangerous or anything, but he's totally narcoleptic on the road and can't stay awake more than 15 minutes behind the wheel. We've made this trip 3 times in 3 years (twice when I was pregnant), and he's driven a total of about 6 or 8 hours. Since I can't sleep when he's driving for fear he'll kill all of us, I decided long ago it's less stressful to just drive myself. Then I have the added bonus of not having to be the personal assistant to all the kids... "Sorry, I can't put in that DVD or fix a bottle or pass someone a coke from the cooler...I'm DRIVING!" (hee hee)

So we got there in record time with no drama of any kind. Merry Christmas and all that jazz... we visited with family, played carads, shopped, wrapped, opened, ate, drank and were merry. Then on Christmas Day, my two year old was running a 103 degree temperature despite more than a week on a antibiotic. We delayed our departure by a day and finally left at 5:00 PM on the 27th.

Suddenly, the kids started complaining about being hungry (in the flurry of packing up the car, we FORGOT to feed them). So, exactly one and a half miles into our trip, we BACKTRACKED to hit the only SONIC in town less than a quarter mile from my mom's driveway. I made the unfortunate choice of a green chili coney dog, and ended up having to eat it in the parking lot before we could actually leave. As I was cleaning the mustard and chili from my fingernails, the baby started choking and turning blue...it was his first french fry EVER. He was buckled in his baby seat (facing forward for the first time EVER) so it was impossible to smack his back. People were panicking, trying to unhook him and pound his back at the same time, but as the body will if it can, he expelled the fry along with a bunch of orange baby food and soy milk (another first) into the hands of his 12 year old sister.

Mmmmm, not off to a great start. There was not so much yelling, but screaming as everyone tried to pile out of the van. The back-seat-sister (age 14) was gagging, even though it WASN'T even HER that got puked on. The 9 year old boy was laughing at the sisters, but trying to climb out anyway between the seats. He was stepping on bags of chips, musical toys, the toddlers fingers, etc. The baby was crying hysterically...far more scared by the aftermath than the actual near-death experience, and the toddler bawls because, well, she's two. Husband got into the back seat to do cleanup, ordered someone to toss out the already overflowing trash bag, and I sweetly checked see if anyone had to go to the bathroom since the next couple hundred miles is nothing but desert. A chorus of "NO's!" rang out. My trip odometer read 2.1 miles and I was sitting in the parking lot of a SONIC 2 blocks from my mother's house an hour and a half after we left.

Mile 26.7. Toddler made a strange noise...asked husband to check on her. She was choking on a piece of bubble gum from where, I don't know. He was ordering the 12 year old to help her, but she was buckled in on the OTHER side of the infant (which made that a little difficult.) I started to pull over since everyone was again panicking...this time with good reason maybe since she was turning a little blue. Just as I got on the shoulder, the older sister pulled out the string of slobbery gum and she started crying (which any experienced mom knows means the danger is over) so I pull back on to the highway (if you can call a tiny little 2-lane-road in the middle of nowhere a highway). She continued crying because now she wanted her gum back. Aaaaaaaargh.

Mile 56.7. The boy shouted out that he had to pee...but decided to just go in his Sonic cup so we don't have to stop. (Good choice since like I said there is NOWHERE to stop.) About a minute later he started yelling "Oh NO! Oh no! Oh no!!" There was a HOLE in the styrofoam cup, pee was going in and just pouring right back out the bottom, and he couldn't stop his urine stream. There was lots of commotion, he started crying, the 14-year-old sister beside him was freaking out (I thought I might have to seach for a mental hospital off one of the farm roads), both babies started in, and the 12-year-old was laughing at the back-seaters while my hubby frantically AND fruitlessly looked for another cup to pass back to catch the leak. Uhhh, too late.

I turned onto a farm road and drove way off the highway to commence cleanup. Now everyone had to go to the bathroom. While hubby did cleanup (again, after all, I was doing all the driving)with a baby blanket since we couldn't find the roll of paper towels, the kids lined up behind the car to squat and go potty (except George since he'd already gone in the back seat). Then it was my turn... Aaaaaaaargh. Drip drying, not recommended.

I also had to unpack the overnight bags to find the boy some dry pants and socks. He had packed one extra pair of pants and one extra pair of socks for a 3 day trip in the car. His shoes were also drenched and the smell of urine and 9 year old boy feet did not mix well. We put them in a ziplock and buried them in the back of the van. Which now left us with the problem of how he would go into restaurants and bathrooms the whole way home with no shoes. Aaaaaargh! times 10!

We got going again 5 minutes later and when my husband reached behind the cooler, he found the missing roll of paper towels and said "By the way, I forgot to go to the bathroom while we were stopped". Are you kidding me???

He held it.

We went another couple of hours, then I had to stop. I wanted to put this day behind us and start out fresh the next day. We went to the same hotel we stopped at on the way out. We slept til we woke up, bathed all 7 people, stopped at a Walmart to get new shoes and soy milk which we'd forgotten, fueled up and took off after a brief family meeting where we ALL agreed... NO MORE TRAVELING TRAGEDIES.

Mile 368 (30 minutes into day 2). Mom got pulled over by a Texas State Trooper who politely asked what was the reason for my speed (88 in a 70). "TAKE A LOOK IN THE BACK OF THIS VAN, YOU MORON!!!!" is what screamed through my head, but instead I just said I was anxious to get home. I was flustered enough that I didn't mention that 2 kids had told me they had to go to the bathroom and in an effort to avoid anyone getting peed on, I was FRANTICALLY driving as fast as I could to the nearest toilet. Our map showed a rest stop 5 miles earlier that wasn't there, so we were more desperate than ever to get to an exit.

I got my first speeding ticket in at least 10 years (it ended up costing me $173), the kids thought the whole thing was cool, and everyone went to the bathroom in the nice place off the next exit with huge metal bars from floor to ceiling on all the windows. As I pulled back onto the highway still west of Dallas, Texas, my main thought was not that I would really have to be careful the rest of the way, but rather, "Dammit! Now I have to be careful the whole way. It would NOT be cool to get two tickets in one day!" Two minutes later, we passed the missing Rest Area at exactly 70 miles an hour as my husband said, "By the way, I didn't go to the bathroom at that last stop because there were 7 people in line." Are you kidding me?

He held it AGAIN.

Until we got to the Denny's in Shreveport, Lousiana. The server asked me what I wanted to drink. I asked for a Vodka Tonic. Did you know that Denny's doesn't serve alcohol??? Now THAT was a traveling tragedy at that moment. After two trips to the bathroom EACH child (that's 8 including the potty-training toddler) and two diaper changes, we set out again. We tried to stop at 1:00 in the morning in Merdian, Mississippi because there was a billboard for a 24 hour Subway. We got gas, but the Subway was closed... I almost beat up the guy I was so hungry. Then there were no non-smoking rooms in the whole city. So we pressed on.

To the next major city, Tuscaloosa, Alabama. There was ONE room with the right specs. We pulled in at 4:00 in the morning. We did NOT unpack the overnight bags. The only thing that went in was the pack n' play, the fan and the people. We had to have the older girls to their father's house by 1:00pm the next day (there's a whole story here also, but we'll skip it for now...just know that we couldn't arrive at this house any earlier or any later than 1:00pm). We set the alarm and arranged for a wakeup call at 8:00am to allow us to get there on time. As I was drifting off to sleep, I realized that 8:00am HERE is 9:00am THERE, so I dragged myself from the fog and changed the alarm (thank goodness). The baby was very restless and fussing since he was teething, so I finally just held him in the crook of my arm til morning while I dozed for 3 hours. I could not feel my whole arm for hours after we started moving.

We dropped off the girls at 12:59, ate lunch and pulled into our driveway at 4:00pm. The trip odometer read 1350 miles and change. It felt like 3000. If I start saving now, I'll have enough money in about 10 years to fly us out. Course if we do that, then our youngest can't go to college. Besides, why would I give up all that "quality" family time in the car? It doesn't get any better than that. And of course, what would I have to blog about then???

The Baby-Baby's Birthday

On this day last year, I was in the hospital, almost 36 weeks pregnant with my 5th child. I had been on bedrest at home for the previous 11 weeks, injecting myself with insulin 4 times a day and checking my blood pressure more often than that. Maybe not a big deal in exchange for the miracle of bringing home a healthy baby, but with 4 other children in the house, various pets and a husband, it was a big deal.

Anyway, right here close to the end, I ended in the hospital with even higher blood pressure. Two nights later, I would deliver my last child by c-section. A sweet little boy my husband named Gabriel. Only the 2nd boy in a 5-kid lineup, his brother George had prayed for him for nearly 2 years. After a couple of nights recovering with the older kids sleeping literally on the hospital room floor (eewwwww), we got "kicked out" because we were so disruptive to the other mothers trying to learn how to nurse and get their last moments of blissful slumber while the nursery attendants lookoed after their newborns.

We came home to our undecorated house (save for one pitiful strand of icicle lights my husband put up across our porch and then ran outside to take a photo for me to see). Our tiny baby (by far my smallest) weighed a little over 5 pounds and I remember thinking his head was about the size of a baseball. No one in our family could come to help until after the holidays so we were sort of flailing through trying to nurse a preemie, Christmas shopping, holiday parties at school, the almost-2-year-old's issues with umm...WHO and WHAT is THAT?, not to mention recovering from surgery. It was a tough holiday season, but we muddled through.

All this to say that on Monday, my precious youngest baby, who I have dilgently tried to prevent from crawling, and only this week handed him a cup, turns one. He is truly a doll baby. He doesn't cry as much as he squeaks. His voice was tiny like his body, and I kept waiting for his cries to catch up with the rest of him, but they never did. He still just squawks a little when something isn't quite right, and then he patiently waits for someone to bring him what he needs or change his diaper. He laughs all the time at ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. He goes to anyone and takes his small palms a lays them on their cheeks or lips and gazes up into their face like he's trying to memorize every detail. Needless to say, the nursery workers at church LOVE him, babysitters think he's a dream, but no one is quite as smitten with him as us...his large family. Even the obnoxious puppy lies down next to him and gently licks his foot while he giggles.

Little Gabriel has brought a softness to this family that we not only needed, but that we yearned for during the long, stressful months of a difficult pregnancy. I know that every birth is a miracle. I love each of my kids with the same intensity. But Gabriel's conception and birth took my faith in God to a new level. After everything we went throuugh to get him here, I didn't see how my faith could be any stronger after that. But watching this little child transform my bouncing, explosion-making, 9 year old boy into a gentle quiet little fellow who lies down next to him on the floor to tell how much he can't wait for him to get bigger so they can do more things together...oh, be still my heart. To sit and watch my oldest daughter stroke his hair and sing to him just to make him smile... or when my 2 year old lies down by him and pats his head cooing "sweet gay-bee baby"... I almost can't catch my breath.

God's awesome power amazes me and at times stops me dead in my tracks. I am truly nothing special. I actually think MOST moms I know do a much better job than I do. But in spite of all my shortcomings, God has blessed our family with a baby the doctors all said would never be. He continues to show his great love for us every day through Gabriel's sweet smile and angelic spirit. Sometimes, I look into his eyes and think I'm seeing a tiny glimpse of Heaven.

Thank you Lord for the gift of Gabriel last December 12.
Thank you for sending your Son to give His life so that I can know You.

Kids' Currency Take 3

OK, the NEW(est) system.

Definition-Find your kids' currency-meaning, figure out what motivates them and use that to encourage positive habits, good behavior, and overall cooperation.

Background- 1) Quarter system (taking away quarters for negative behavior/giving quarters for positive behavior)-FAILED for complicated reasons.
2) Massive chore chart-FAILED for obvious reasons (what's-in-it-for-me mentality made enforcing responsibilities with no particular reward system unsuccessful. Mine did not buy the whole "it's your responsibility as a member of this family." I have actually heard the words, "she's YOUR baby!" come out of one of my teenagers. EX-CUSE ME!?? I could NOT have heard that right because if this were the Waltons, that child would have been sent to an orphanage for something like that, right?)

Take Three (but who's counting)-
THE TICKET SYSTEM was introduced to me by a very organized former teacher with two pretty good preschoolers of her own (I should have known right there I was in trouble...I am NOT organized, I have 150% MORE people, and I've never been a teacher. However, I am starting out with 3 usually good teen/school-agers, 1 perfect infant, and 1...hmmm...we'll simply go with 1 two-year-old...enough said.)

Categories:
Ways to earn tickets
Ways to lose tickets
Things to do with tickets

Tools:
One roll of tickets usually found at any dollar store
Lists of ticket gains and losses

Rules:
* You are responsible for keeping up with your own tickets (keep them secret, keep them safe).
* No taking tickets off the roll if it is left out or if mom is sleeping.
* No "borrowing" tickets from other siblings (put your initial on the back of each ticket you receive to avoid disputes or confusion).
* No trading, giving, lending, borrowing, buying, selling or other misappropriations of tickets. All tickets must be EARNED by the user.
* Any ticket that is LEFT out will be THROWN out.
* Tickets that get washed with your jeans cannot be replaced.
* Tickets will be awarded on SAME DAY as completed task ONLY.

The Lists
Ways to earn tickets:
1) doing chores (1 ticket per chore)
2) doing chores without being asked (2 tickets)
3) helping a sibling with one of their chores (1 ticket)
*** doing chores after being told twice (PAY 10 tickets) ***
4) putting away coat, shoes, AND purses after school (1 ticket, 0 tickets if one item is left out)
5) putting away bookbag after homework is finished (1 ticket)
6) asking what you can do to help (1 ticket)
7) doing homework right after school without being asked (2 tickets)
8) brushing teeth in morning (1 ticket)
9) brushing teeth in evening (1 ticket, 2 tickets if it is your second time that day)
10) washing hands right after school (2 tickets)
11) helping toddler wash hands after potty (2 tickets)
12) doing weekend chores (2 tickets)
13) doing weekend chores without being asked (3 tickets)
14) washing face with soap in morning (1 ticket)
15) washing face in evening with soap (1 ticket, 2 tickets if it is your second time that day)
16) going to bed on time (2 tickets)
17) getting up on time (2 tickets)
18) paying a sibling a compliment (1 ticket)
19) giving the dogs fresh water outside of mealtime (1 ticket)
20) taking laundry to room (1 ticket)
21) taking someone else's laundry to their room (1 ticket)
22) putting someone else's laundry away for them (2 tickets)
23) bringing mom a load of laundry to wash from HER room (1 ticket)
24) starting a load of your own or someone else's laundry (2 tickets)
25) finishing and folding your own or someone else's laundry (2 tickets)
26) helping an adult with dinner (1 ticket)
27) cooking dinner for family (5 tickets)
28) eating a full serving of the prepared meal (5 tickets)
29) sitting respectfully, talking quietly and using good manners during entire meal (3 tickets)
30) eating a hot breakfast (2 tickets)
31) eating a piece of fruit with breakfast (1 ticket)
32) eating NO junk food-as defined by mom-all day (3 tickets)
33) play with toddler outside, walk a dog or take a bike ride for 10 minutes+ (5 tickets)
34) read to toddler at least 5 minutes (3 tickets)
35) change a diaper or pullup (1 ticket)
36) change a poop (2 tickets)
37) help toddler potty on the big potty (3 tickets)
38) babysit toddler 1 hr. (10 tickets)
39) babysit infant 1 hour (10 tickets)
40) watching ZERO TV all day (3 tickets)
41) bathe toddler (3 tickets)
42) feed baby (3 tickets)
43) cleaning up own mess from breakfast (1 ticket)
44) packing toddler's lunch for school (2 tickets)
45) de-trashing the van (2 tickets)
46) being clean and in room for quiet time 20 minutes before lights out (2 tickets)
47) making your bed (1 ticket)
48) washing bottles and nipples (3 tickets)
49) making bottles (3 tickets)

You get the idea...the possibilities are endless.

Ways to LOSE tickets:
Insulting a sibling-5 tickets
Aggravating a sibling (as defined by mom)-5 tickets
Arguing, whining or complaining about your work or food options-10 tickets
Fighting/yelling/physical altercation with sibling-5 tickets per kid
Girls with braces chewing gum-ALL TICKETS in your possession at time-$5 fine if less than 20 tickets
Cussing (as defined by mom)-ALL TICKETS in your possession at time-$10 fine if less than 20 tickets
Bringing up or participating in innappropriate conversation in front of younger sibling-ALL TICKETS or $10 fine if less than 20 tickets
Being asked twice to do something-10 tickets and you still do the task
Not passing clean room inspection with Dad-20 tickets
Forgetting a daily chore-5 tickets
Deciding to NOT do a chore after being asked-20 tickets
Not going to bed on time-20 tickets
Leaving stuff out at bedtime-5 tickets per item and item goes into the (da da DAAA) "BIN OFFFFFF DOOOOOOM"
Talking back/sassing (as defined by mom)-10 tickets
Not paying for computer/tv time-Double tickets for time plus 10 ticket fine

Things to do with Tickets:
Tattle on a sibling-5 tickets
TV time-1/2 hour-10 tickets
Movie (not to exceed 2 hours)-25 tickets
Computer time-10 tickets for first 15 minutes, 1 ticket for each additional minute
Go out to a movie-30 tickets per kid
Go to mall or shopping-30 tickets
Tag along malling or shopping-20 tickets
Go to a sleepover-25 tickets Go to a friends house-20 tickets
Play at a neighbor's-10 tickets
Participate in Fun Family Night-25 tickets per kid (movie included)
Have a friend sleepover-50 tickets
Have friend over to play-25 tickets
Sleep with sibling-10 tickets
Sleep with parents-125 tickets
***clearly we do not endorse this use of tickets, but the kids got to help with the list to increase our chances for success***
One soda (weekends only)-15 tickets
Chocolate milk-10 tickets
Girls-1 piece of gum for 10 minutes-50 tickets
One treat/junk food/dessert-25 tickets
Eating an alternative dinner to what is fixed-25 tickets
Alone time with a parent doing what you want to do for up to 2 hours-50 tickets

So far, this system has shown medium to high success in the preliminary stages. It takes a lot of work to be consistent, and that is harder for some people than others (like me, for instance). However, I have been encouraged by the kids' desire to make it work. They enjoy looking for ways to earn tickets, and they have REALLY stepped up to the plate in taking responsibility for getting tickets, keeping up with them and spending them.

I may have found a keeper in this one. Hopefully it will work at least until making good decisions about how to treat their siblings, their things and what to eat become habits.

My favorite thing about this one is that it rewards positive behavior, but still reinforces that there are consequences for negative behavior. It also gives them a lot of ownership of over how we spend time as a family, and they are all (even the 9 year old) starting to weigh the pros and cons of certain choices. I've heard my oldest daughter say that she'd rather NOT eat a dessert so she can watch a movie with us over the weekend. WOW! How about that Dr. Phil?